How to Win the Loser of the Year Award

10 Ways to lose before you start!

That's right, guys. You can do it, you really can -- IF you try hard enough. I mean, won't you be proud to mount the plaque for the Dating Loser of the Year on YOUR bathroom wall? Let's take a look at the 10 things you need to do to win.

1. Use a counterfeit photo: That's right -- on your profile paste a photo of your son, cousin, brother, best friend -- whoever is one handsome dude and when your date shows up you tell her you had plastic surgery after a car wreck.
2. Lie on your profile: An extension of number 1, lie about your education, interests, height, religion, and whatever else is on there to present the perfect, and fake, persona.
3. Be a slob: When you meet her, make sure you haven't showered in days, and wear dirty, wrinkled old clothes.
4. Arrive late:a Come swaggering in with attitude, find her, and move on to # 5.
5. Borrow money: Tell her you stopped at the ATM but don't have any money in your account, so you need to borrow money for a mocha cappuccino.
6. Set up your laptop: As soon as you sit down, set up your laptop, and proceed to send emails and instant message people the whole time you are with her
7. Talk about yourself -- non-stop: That's right -- talk, talk, talk -- about your job, the latest NASCAR race, drinking beer with your buddies, whatever. And, make SURE you don't ask her a single thing about herself.
8. Be negative: While you are talking non-stop -- make sure it is about everything negative -- how you hate your boss, what a loser your last girlfriend was, and how crummy the weather ALWAYS is!
9. Act like a jerk: Be rude to everyone and anyone. Kick the blind man's dog, yell at a kid, argue with the server or counterperson. That's right -- show your true colors!
10. Get down and dirty: In between instant messages, start talking like you were having phone sex -- only now it's Starbuck's sex!!

So, my friend, if you want to win the Dating Loser of the Year Award, be sure to follow these guidelines and I'll be sending you that plaque pronto.

Go get 'em!